It’s hard because I still wish to lose weight and I know long term I will balance out where I should be. My goal now is to lead a healthy balanced lifestyle where no food is off limits by listening to my body. I began seeing an intuitive eating specialist last year and it’s been great for me to focus on how my body feels with different foods and movements. Eventually I got seriously ill with covid and suddenly craved meat. I was vegan for nearly 5 years because I thought it would take out some of my guilt around food. More than a decade later, I have tried many ways to repair my relationship with food. I ended up skipping meals desperately trying to keep it off. I felt bad for making that member uncomfortable but I needed support also. After a few more meetings I left mostly because I didn’t feel welcome by the other members. Years later I know BMI is often meaningless but I felt so hurt that day for not being respected.
Now I wasn’t even at my goal weight and my goal wasn’t to be underweight but bam in the middle of my BMI. Without asking me how I felt the leader then immediately told me “you’re not going to lose any more, you’re on maintence from now on”. She told the woman leading the meeting I needed to stop losing weight and it wasn’t right that I was even there. While in queue for my weight in, another person saw me and began to loudly criticise me for being there as I was “slim enough” and my mere presence was mocking her. I was effectively pushed out of the meetings towards the end. I stupidly went along with it all and lost weight at a fast rate. Everything was about tricking the system and big losses each week. The community itself was quiet toxic and reinforced disordered eating. It definitely warped my relationship with certain foods. That time I was only there for 6 months some of which was maintence but what I learnt lingered since as I often returned to the habits/ tips. I went again when I was in my early 20s as I had gain around 2 stone. Looking back I can’t believe she did that but lot of the ethos and habits were around me from childhood. Once as a teen when frankly I was at a slim weight but my mother brought me along as I wanted to lose weight.
0 kommentar(er)
